The Magrilless Blog: Glad to Be Me

Have you ever worked on someone else's computer? It sucks. Their keyboard feels different. Their chair is lower. Their light isn't what you're used to. None of my keyboard shortcuts (which I have personalized over time to make sense to me) are the same. The printers are named differently than on my computer. What would have taken an hour suddenly becomes at least three. Frustrating.

But the biggest issue is the difference in housekeeping. I tell you, if I die in the next couple of days, send a hazmat team into her cubicle. Why was she out sick? Because she has finally succumbed to the germs that have been incubating in there for years.

Are those dirty dishes in her cubicle? Yes. Not even rinsed? No. That's instant oatmeal caked on that plastic, isn't it? Yes. Do I know how long they've been in there. I don't want to know.

Look at this mouse, people! That's not the mouse manufacturer telling you where to put your fingers to click the buttons: "Cover the black dots on the mouse with the fingers of your right hand and click." No. That's dirt. Months and months of ickiness building up until it has formed a tangible, sticky, disgusting grime. This is the mouse I had to use yesterday.

You can't see the keyboard, but the keys are completely cake underneath with . . . crumbs? Pleeeease be crumbs and not body flakes that have sloughed off over the years. Really, I'm surprised the keys can be depressed at all, that there's any room under them to push them down.

And just generally there's a bunch of junk all over the place cluttering the whole counter. I honestly had trouble finding room to place the manuscript I was working from. I ended up clearing away an 8-1/2 by 11 space to put pages once I had made corrections on them, and keeping the yet-to-look-at pages in my lap or on top of the keyboard if there was just mouse-work and no typing on that page.

So I sat perched on the very edge of her chair for the hours that I had to spend in there. I had to stop myself every time I went to scratch my nose or put my hair behind my ear or anything involving taking my hands off her equipment. No! Don't touch! Not until you've washed with soap and warm water up to your elbows!